Dierks Bentley’s “Different For Girls” Strikes Troubling Note

dierks bentley black

Dierks Bentley released this past Friday his latest LP, Black, a sultry release that depicts various stages of relationships, forming a cohesive look at the way two people interact. Along with the release, Bentley announced “Different For Girls,” the Shane McAnally and JT Harding co-write featuring Elle King, as his follow up to recent two-week number 1 “Somewhere On A Beach.”

The single begins simply, allowing the vocals from both Bentley and King to breathe at the forefront of the sonic palate. Their vocals complement each other nicely in the chorus, which remains simultaneously subtle and anthemic.

Perhaps the song would’ve been better left without lyrics. The duet, which clocks in at just three minutes, seeks to highlight the differences between the way men and women handle relationships. On paper, it’s relatable enough – men can seem to shrug off breakups, while women suffer the sting more immediately and visibly. But it’s the phrasing that gives the song a more limited approach, and in doing so presents itself as a highly problematic moment for both men and women.

“Different For Girls” doesn’t suggest some men “throw any t-shirt on and walk to a bar,” it says, “they,” meaning girls “don’t throw any t-shirt on and walk to a bar.” It’s not that some men “text [their] friends and say ‘I gotta get laid tonight,'” it’s that “she don’t.” The structure repeats throughout the song. It’s a list of things that women don’t do, ways that only men cope; examples include “taping [their heart] back together with a whiskey and coke” and “scroll[ing] through [their] phone just looking for a band-aid.”

“When the going gets tough, yeah the guys they can just act tough,” King concludes. “It’s different for girls.”

At best, the intention is one of consolation – a hey, sister, I know it’s tough. Taste of Country calls the song “an important moment” that “displays a father’s sensitivities,” suggesting that it’s a father’s consolation to a hurt daughter: yeah, he’s acting tough, but he’s probably hurting, and it’s okay that you’re hurting too.

Songwriting often takes a specific example and uses it to paint a more general picture. Had the duet spoken instead about their relationship, for instance, pairing Bentley’s “take someone home and act like it’s nothing” with King’s “when love disappears they can’t pretend it was never there,” and allowed the audience to extrapolate to men and women in general, it might have been less concerning. But the song paints realities and truths without suggestions that it’s not standard, accepted, and without exception.

It’s not that the conclusions in themselves are offensive, and any art form certainly owns the freedom to comment on trends in society, whether to buck or affirm them. It’s the phrasing that’s troubling: it says that this is, definitively, how men and women act, both observing it as an absolute and in doing so re-setting that standard. To hear the song isn’t just to sympathize with what sometimes, or even often, might be, but to also agree that that’s just the way it is. Even the “nobody said it was fair” resting in the bridge further emphasizes that it’s unchangeable; there’s no moment that indicates anyone could, or does, act differently.

By making such absolute statements, “Different For Girls” suggests men can’t be emotional and women can’t be strong, and damages both in a single blow.

The fact that the song is a duet serves only to deepen the wound. Were it just Bentley singing, it could be written off as a guy’s perspective, in which he sees only men acting tough and women less societally able to do so. But the appearance of a woman to sing lines like “She don’t sleep all day, and leave the house a wreck / She don’t have the luxury to let herself go,” seals the song’s fate in stone. It’s a female co-sign: yes, you’re right, we’re not allowed to behave the way you are.

Adding to the one-two punch is the choice of King herself, who has built her career on a fuck-it attitude and a fiery spirit. On her breakout hit “Ex’s & Oh’s,” which boasts over 73 million views on YouTube, King dances amid interchangeable male playthings. One of her most popular songs, “America’s Sweetheart,” proclaims that she is anything-but-that in the hook. The verses almost serve as a direct contradiction to the females she and Bentley describe in “Different For Girls;” not only do women with other dispositions exist, King is one of them.

“My hands are dirty and my heart is cold
The boys I’ve been with say I got no soul, when I
I meet another honey at the bar
I’ll think it’s funny when I break his heart, hm now
My kind of medicine is whiskey straight
I got a mouth to put you in your place, and they
They said I’ll never be the poster type
But they don’t make posters of my kind of life”

– “America’s Sweetheart”

“A guy gets drunk with his friends and he might hook up, but it’s different for girls,” Bentley and King sing in the chorus. It seems that for King, a whiskey and coke might be the preferred medicine for a heart that’s already forgotten its fissure. To align her with the women she’s describing feels a bit like turning a tiger to a kitten, and saying hey, you’re a kitten too.

With its crossover appeal, impressive vocals, and complementary production, “Different For Girls” is sure to do well. But as its reach and popularity rise, its implications should be considered. Music shapes culture, and what we hear from our idols and tastemakers greatly affects how we see the world and, even, ourselves. Let’s take the song for what it should have been: a commentary on a specific type of behavior and, ideally, an acceptance of all healthy human responses to heartbreak. Maybe in 2016 it’s okay for a woman to seek a one night stand and a man to cry over a pint of ice cream.

2 Comments

  1. Thank you for this post—my distaste for this song is so strong. I find myself clenching my fists every time I hear it on the radio, but I’ve been unable to verbalize why. This explanation is EXACTLY the reason.

  2. Your interpretation takes the lyrics at face value and misses the subtext. This song is actually critical of the idea that guys have it easy. In the song the guy takes someone home and “acts” like it’s nothing. And when it’s tough he “acts” tough. If the Song were really saying it’s different for guys then it would go something like “he just takes someone home and is over her by morning”. But obviously it doesn’t work like that, even if society suggests to men that they should be able to just man up and everything will be fine after a stiff drink. Supposedly it’s the woman who “doesnt have the luxury to let herself go”, but it’s the Man who has to man up and act as if everything is ok.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *